By LEE JENKINS
The New York Times
Published: September 15, 2005
HOUSTON, Sept. 14 - Roger Clemens always had the game face to go along with the fastball, the high-and-tight persona to match the high-and-tight heater.
Clemens is perhaps the most intimidating pitcher of his generation, but as he sat in a back room of Minute Maid Park late Wednesday night, recounting the final hours he spent with his 75-year-old mother, the famous scowl was finally broken.
Bess Clemens died at 4:30 a.m. Wednesday of complications from emphysema, but not before she quizzed her son about Andy Pettitte's troublesome elbow. Not before she asked if the Astros would make the playoffs. Not before she told everyone in the family to go to work. As Clemens recalled her last lines, he laughed and then he cried.
"She was my strength," Clemens said. "She was my will."
She was usually his first phone call after games, so he had no one to dial after a 10-2 victory over the Florida Marlins on Wednesday night. That Clemens would choose to pitch on the day his mother died, and that the Houston Astros would let him, illustrated both the family's passion for baseball and the importance of this game to the National League wild-card race.
"I planned on pitching the whole time," Clemens said. "No way I was going to run out on the team."
When Clemens first got to the mound, he felt lost. When he allowed one run in the first inning, he felt relieved. Working with a sore left hamstring and a self-diagnosed heavy heart, he surrendered one run in six and a third innings. He drew a bases-loaded walk at the plate and turned a line drive into a double play in the field. After the sixth inning, he walked to the dugout with his right fist raised. He left having thrown 83 pitches, an earlier departure than usual, but later than anyone could have reasonably expected.
"It's heroic," General Manager Tim Purpura said. "He understands the meaning of duty. His mother taught him about duty."
The Astros, who have been shut out seven times this season in games Clemens started, including five 1-0 losses, picked an apt moment to support him. At the end of the game, players from both sides lingered on the field for a sentimental video tribute to Clemens's mother. He watched from a room in the home clubhouse, no sound, just pictures. "I still need to say a few more goodbyes," he said.
Much of the baseball public was introduced to Bess Clemens when she followed her son's quest for 300 career victories with the Yankees in 2003. She would sit in the stands, often accompanied by an oxygen tube, inspiring her son with her presence. Clemens has always believed he inherited his mother's sense of determination. She worked three jobs to rear six children after her husband died. She smoked for more than 40 years, yet quit the day she was found to have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, the umbrella term for chronic bronchitis and emphysema.
"I wanted to thank her properly at the Hall of Fame," Clemens said. "But I keep playing this silly game."
Clemens came out of retirement and joined the Astros in 2004, partly because his mother lived in Georgetown, Tex., about 125 miles from Houston and 25 miles from Austin. She made frequent visits to Minute Maid Park and quickly became a team mom. During the All-Star Game last year, she was a regular at the parties. Over the weekend, she had her son send Pettitte an e-mail message checking on his arm strength before his next start.
Clemens spent the past few days flying back and forth between Houston and Austin, staying away from the stadium and cutting off contact with many in the organization. Late Tuesday night, the family huddled around Bess, trying to make her laugh, trying to keep her awake. Clemens asked if she had ever seen the movie, "Field of Dreams." She replied: "Shoeless Joe Jackson."
Then Clemens asked if she was in "the field." She responded: "I think I am."
As he told the story at a news conference, his family cried softly in the back. He wiped his eyes with a workout towel. The Astros are a half-game out of the wild-card lead, and their ace is only beginning the grieving process. "I've lost a little of my fire," Clemens said.
He flew from Austin to Houston on Wednesday in a private plane. He was greeted by a small but warm ovation from the crowd. No one knew quite what to expect, given that he allowed five runs over three innings in his last start. And, yet, everyone knew exactly what to expect, considering it was Clemens. "I think this is the best place for him," Pettitte said.
For all the players who skip games to witness the birth of their children, Clemens has joined a long tradition of athletes to compete shortly after a parent has died. Asked whether the game was for his mother, Clemens said, "They're all for her."
Despite the Astros' meager offense and recent struggles, they remain the popular choice to capture the wild-card berth, considering their favorable schedule and premier pitching staff. Houston has scripted its rotation through the end of the season so that its best three starters - Clemens, Pettitte and Roy Oswalt - will take the mound on the final weekend.
Of course, Bess Clemens probably knew that.
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